Writing a historical has been thrilling in many ways.But there is one thing I really miss about writing in a contemporary setting. Some words. Words like cannon, powder keg, missile, static, phone, energy, channel (not the body of water, the other kind), and fry (not baby fish, the act of making food really bad for you while also making it taste so good!!!) and many other words for things that just didn't exist yet. I think any earlier time period would really cripple me!
It was a weekend of balance, the kind I strive for consistently. Faith, family and writing. It was a horrible weekend on the surface but as God promises in His word, he continues to work all things together for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose, and he did this too!
I discovered my good saddle had been stolen this weekend. Working through my anger and unforgiveness was tough, as I was still hacked off about having all my fishing gear stolen last month. Seven times seventy.
My horse sustained a severe injury and due to her age, medical history, and money, the decision to euthanize was a real consideration and a choice I pray to be spared from. That was an amazingly difficult time that only the strength of the Lord got me through. Forgive me Jesus, when I feel you aren't enough. She is not out of the woods yet, but showing some improvement. Not a sparrow falls to the ground that my Lord does not see and I know nothing is impossible with my God or too little for him to care about.
I also received news of the death of a friend after a courageous fight through a long illness. I'm not ready to write about that, the kind of friend and mentor he was to me, and many others. For my friend, and tearful hearts he leaves behind.
"The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace." Numbers 6:24-27
Attending and then serving as a volunteer in my first Prayer Experience at New Hope East was a high. I'm not talented enough to even try to put to words that kind of face to face encounter with my Lord. Something I can put words to was the fresh appreciation of how powerful art can be in proclaiming the truth of God's word. Particularly through the clips of Passion of the Christ, and then the words of the songs played during the taking of communion and the way the music and lyrics touched me.The way Francine Rivers' Redeeming Love was used by God in my life. The way I hope God is able to use my writing for others, but even if he doesn't, it's been enough already the blessing it has been for me in my own faith journey these past months.
Through the emotional roller coaster (another word that could never be used in Chasing the Lion HAHA) of the past few days, I did a lot of writing. My feelings of outrage at the most recent theft, my fresh sense of loss for my dear friend, my feelings of failed responsibility and tough choices with my girl Lady B, the sense of helplessness for her pain, and tonight, as I look back on the writing this weekend... it's all there, and its really strong. For a change, Jonathan let me swing the sword with him, shed tears of frustration and helplessness in an empty cell along with him, resist the forgiveness we are called to because of our humanity. All I can say is... thank you Lord. The more it hurts, the more I want it used for your good, your plan, and your glory. And if its a part of growing my forgiveness so I look more like you and less like me, I'll thank you for that too. If it served the story, that's an added blessing.
Another bright note... the antibiotic pain relief ointment labeled "Not for human consumption. Not for use in livestock intended for food or consumption." Yeah... that stuff that I figured out was making the carrots my niece gave me taste bad after I had consumed all traces of it from my fingers along with the ranch dip... is probably NOT going to kill me. It's pretty funny how messed up I can make my life when I don't listen to my Dads. My dad here, who tried to tell me go wash my hands right after... and my Heavenly Father who keeps telling me "Trust and obey." What can I say. I'm a slow learner, but no one is ever hopeless. Except maybe Valentina ;-)